Letters to My Children: How to Act in a Relationship

To My Children,

I wrote to you previously about when is the right time to date—or pursue someone in friendship with the purposeful intent of looking for a future spouse. When you have examined the criteria and determined the time is right, and you find someone you are interested in considering as a future spouse, how should you act around them? There are a few things I want you to consider. They are guidelines that will help your relationship grow in godliness.

First, how does your behavior around this person make others feel? Are the two of you so inward focused that you turn your back on other people in your life? Do your friends or family constantly feel like the third wheel or isolated when hanging out with you? Try not to be so focused on each other that it makes other people feel invisible or left out. Eventually, if the two of you end up getting married, you will become a singular unit. But until then, you should wait to have the privileges that come with marriage, such as exclusivity and physical intimacy.

Second, in your interactions with one another, are you acting in such a way that would protect a future friendship? What I mean is, if the two of you don’t end up together, would your current behavior allow you to still be friends later? Or at least be polite and kind to each other? Or would your actions lead to nothing but broken hearts and bitter feelings if you don’t work out?

Third, is the physical behavior you’re displaying toward each other such that if you didn’t end up together, you would feel comfortable telling your future spouse what you did? Would your future spouse potentially be hurt or upset if they heard about it? We should want to be above reproach in our actions. “For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you abstain from sexual immorality; that each one of you know how to control his own body in holiness and honor, not in the passion of lust like the Gentiles who do not know God” (1 Thessalonians 4:3–5). If Jesus were physically standing next to the two of you, would he be pleased with your behavior? He sees everything we say and do.

Lastly, Paul gives instructions to Timothy on how to conduct himself around different types of people (1 Timothy 5:1–2). For young women, Paul tells him to treat them as sisters, in all purity. Whether you are a man or a woman, you should treat young men and women as brothers and sisters. No, I’m not asking you to think of your actual brother or sister in a romantic way, but that’s kind of the point—if you would feel uncomfortable acting that way toward your sibling, then Paul says don’t do it. Until that person is your spouse, you should behave toward them in a way that is pure and above reproach, without any hint of sexual immorality (Ephesians 5:3).

Remember, God’s guidelines are good, and his commandments are not burdensome. His Word is a lamp to your feet and a light to your path, to keep you from stumbling and avoid danger. If you keep your relationships within his path, it will protect you and lead you to blessing, flourishing, and peace.

I love you. Grow in godliness and in your love for God.

This article was originally published at https://lifeword.org/blog/letters-to-my-children-behavior-in-a-relationship/

Magnifying Glass

“Make his name great.”

I’ve always been a little uncomfortable with this phrase, yet I don’t think it’s wrong. Let me explain.

God’s name is already great by virtue of his character. In fact, he is the greatest being in all existence. We can’t add anything to him to make him greater than he already is.

If we can’t increase God’s greatness, then why do we say, “Make his name great”?

During the Christmas season, our family read and heard all the familiar Christmas passages in the Bible. One of those is the Magnificat—or the song Mary bursts into after the angel announces the incarnation of Christ. She begins:

My soul magnifies the Lord, and my spirit rejoices in God my Savior, for he has looked on the humble estate of his servant. For behold, from now on all generations will call me blessed; for he who is mighty has done great things for me, and holy is his name. (Luke 1:46–49)

Mary says her soul magnifies the Lord. This reminded me of my recent experience at the eye doctor.

I have made it to the ripe old age of forty-one without ever needing glasses or contacts. I don’t have any trouble reading books up close or seeing the signs I need to see when I’m driving. Nothing looks blurry to me.

Then one day, I was at my son’s sports physical. Part of the exam was an eye test. I was standing right by him when they asked him to read the bottom line of the eye chart. I naturally attempted to read it to myself, and suddenly I realized—I couldn’t make out the letters!

This prompted me to go back to the eye doctor (it had been a couple years) and get a checkup.

I didn’t really feel like the bottom lines of the eye chart at his office were all that difficult—I could squint my way through them. After a few tests, the doctor then showed me what those bottom letters looked like with a vision prescription.

Amazingly, the letters were sharper and bigger! They were the same letters I had seen before, but this time they were magnified! Now I could read them freely and easily, without scrunched up face and furrowed brow.

The letters hadn’t changed. They just appeared bigger and clearer to me.

This is what it’s like when we magnify God, or make his name great.

We don’t change him or make him better than he is. When we magnify God, we are helping ourselves and others (by the enabling power of the Holy Spirit) to see him more clearly, for who he really is.

Making God’s name great enlarges his character before the eyes of our heart so that we exclaim like a person with new glasses, “Aha! I can see!”

When we look at something under a magnifying glass, suddenly we can see details we never noticed before, and we are in awe at the intricacies of the object we are viewing. This is the same with making God’s name great—when we magnify him, we see characteristics such as his love, power, or mercy in ways we never noticed before. This causes us, like Mary, to worship him with increased amazement and gratitude and to share the knowledge of his greatness with others.

“Oh, magnify the LORD with me, and let us exalt his name together!” (Psalms 34:3). Let us make God’s name great in our lives and among the nations.

 

This article was originally published at https://lifeword.org/blog/magnifying-glass/

Letters to My Children: Pure and Gracious Speech

To My Children,

I want to talk to you about your tongue. Proverbs says that death and life are in the power of the tongue, and James writes that whoever is able to bridle his tongue is able to control his whole body. With such extreme statements as these, I think it is a very important subject.

Our words reflect what’s inside of us. Jesus says it’s not what goes in the mouth that defiles a person but rather what comes out of the mouth, “for out of the heart come evil thoughts, murder, adultery, sexual immorality, theft, false witness, and slander” (Matthew 15:19). Clearly, the words we say have a deeper meaning and give us a glimpse of our true person.

Jesus mentions lying and slander. We know from the Ten Commandments that it is wrong to bear false witness (or lie), and slander is bearing false witness about a person in order to hurt their reputation.

James says we should not bless God with our mouth and then with the same mouth curse someone made in his image. Someone who truly loves and worships God should not turn around and say bad things about other people.

Not only should we not say bad things about other people, Ephesians says our words should give grace to and build up whoever is listening. Paul exhorts us not to let any corrupting speech come out of our mouth. “Corrupt” can mean anything that degrades, ruins, or brings down the moral value of something. It can also mean perverted, rotten, tainted, or foul.

This applies to all our words, but it certainly applies to foul or perverted language—our modern-day curse words or language that is sexual in nature. Our words are not unintelligible sounds or ambiguous, morally neutral phrases. Words have meaning in every country and culture—that’s how we have language. Some words are worse than others because of the meaning attached to them or their ability to degrade or bring down the moral value of our speech or the person or thing we are talking about. So if our words are not gracious and uplifting, we should not say them.

Proverbs says, “Gracious words are like a honeycomb, sweetness to the soul and health to the body,” and, “A gentle tongue is a tree of life, but perverseness in it breaks the spirit” (Proverbs 16:24, 15:4).

Our words matter. They can either be pure and seasoned with salt so that they give health and healing to those around us, or they can be perverse and flavored with foulness, insults, and slander and hurt the people around us.

A tongue that tries to do both is a contradiction—it ought not be so! My children, if you struggle with unrighteous or ungracious speech, ask God to help you “set a guard over [your] mouth” and “keep watch over the door of [your] lips” (Psalm 141:3), and pray that your words would be the kind that give life.

I love you. Grow in godliness and in your love of God.

This article was originally published at https://lifeword.org/blog/letters-to-my-children-pure-and-gracious-speech/

 

Benefit for the Body

Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, teaching and admonishing one another in all wisdom. (Colossians 3:16a)

 

When we are trying to deepen a relationship with someone, what do we do? We talk to them. How does God talk to us? Through his Word.

“Long ago, at many times and in many ways, God spoke to our fathers by the prophets, but in these last days he has spoken to us by his Son, whom he appointed the heir of all things, through whom also he created the world” (Hebrews 1:1–2).

In these last days since Christ’s incarnation, death, resurrection, and ascension, God has chosen to speak to us, not through a direct, spoken word to prophets, not through clouds in the sky or signs or numbers, but very specifically through his Son who is the very Word of God.

“In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. He was in the beginning with God” (John 1:1–2).

And God ordained that all his words to us have been recorded and preserved over thousands of years, in the Bible.

Daily intake of the Word is of utmost importance to the Christian life and the health of the body. If we want to grow in our faith, knowledge, and love of God, we must get to know what he says to us in his written Word.

Not only must we get to know his Word, we must allow his Word to dwell in us.

When we dwell with someone, we live with them. We don’t see them occasionally; they are constantly there—watching TV in our living room, storing their toothbrush in our bathroom, making food in our kitchen, taking up space in our closet with their clothes. We eat together, do chores together, hang out together, trip over one another’s shoes. We don’t just sense they are there—we honestly can’t avoid bumping into one another because we are in such close proximity. And if it is a healthy relationship, we are talking to each other. That’s what it means to dwell.

We must also allow his Word to dwell in us richly. Again, following our previous analogy, we are not just in the same room as the other person, but they are abundantly present. Their socks end up in our sock drawer; we can’t sit down without having to move some of their stuff; we might find their hairs everywhere, including on our clothes. They saturate every inch of our space and life.

To compare it to another analogy, having the Word dwell in you richly is like a bucket of water. If we want to get wet, we don’t just let the bucket of water sit in the room and look at it. We get up and soak in it or pour it on ourselves. The same can be said of a glass of water—if we are thirsty and want that water to be in us richly, we actually have to pick it up and be drinking it all day long.

When we let the Word of Christ dwell in us richly, not only will it benefit us, but then we can be a benefit to the church—the body of Christ.

Conversely, if we are not in the Word, then we are not of benefit to the body—or at least not as much benefit as we could be.

Think of a sports team. Teams are comprised of many individual players who come together as one unit to achieve a common goal. If one player doesn’t put in the work off the field or the court—if they don’t practice the necessary skills or strengthen their muscles—then they are not a help to their team during the game. They are actually a hinderance.

Our family recently watched the summer Olympics. We love cheering for our country’s volleyball team, basketball team, swimmers—pretty much any sport you can name, we enjoy cheering for national pride and watching the physical prowess of the athletes. Some of our favorite events to watch are in track and field, like the relay race. If you have four runners on a relay team, and one of them doesn’t prepare for the Olympics, it will cost their entire team the race. They would not be helping their team towards a medal but hindering them.

I have only participated in a 5k race once. I got the t-shirt and crossed it off my bucket list. But there was something that stuck with me about the race. The “track” was a down-and-back path in the park; when you got to the halfway point, you had to turn around and go back the way you came to reach the finish line.

The faster runners obviously got to the halfway point first. But as they came back—still running their own race and trying to make good time—the more seasoned runners were cheering on the slower, less experienced people. Even those who were just walking (like me!). They told us, “Good job!” and “You can do it!” and “Don’t quit; you’re almost there!” They encouraged us to keep going and finish the race well. They were not just there for themselves but were “teaching” and “admonishing” the other participants.

We cannot begin to teach and admonish one another in the church if we don’t train and prepare ourselves first, by knowing what the Word of God says and making it a vital, intimate part of our daily lives. And if we try to teach and admonish one another without the Word dwelling in us richly, we certainly won’t be doing it “in all wisdom” and, therefore, may actually be a hurt or a hinderance to our fellow believers.

To run our own race well, we must be in the Word. And to be able to encourage and teach other runners, and lovingly and truthfully show them where they might be in error or need to grow, we have to know God’s Word. We have to feast on it, not just take a little nibble every now and then, for “man does not live by bread alone, but man lives by every word that comes from the mouth of the LORD” (Deuteronomy 8:3b). If we only nibble, we starve, and a starving part of the body makes the whole body unwell and weak.

Take in the Word. Take it in richly, and let it live with you. It will not only be a benefit to you, but it will benefit the entire body of believers in your life.

This article was originally published at https://lifeword.org/blog/benefit-for-the-body/

Exposing the Darkness

When things sit in the darkness, they fester and grow.

Have you ever found that one food item you forgot about in your pantry and let sit there for months, only to pull it out and discover it had gone rotten? Or how about sticking your hand down the couch cushion to look for something you dropped, only to discover that long-ago snack that accidentally took a deep dive and wound up covered in fuzz? My favorite is the dirty dish you intended to wash by hand, but somehow, in the busyness of life, it ended up pushed to the back of the counter and now has rancid, reeking remnants of last week’s roast inside.

The same is true of our sin. When left undealt with, it begins to fester and stink up our lives. Leaving it untouched in a dark corner does not make it go away. It only makes it worse. It can even begin to affect us physically.

That’s what David says about his sin in Psalm 32:

“For when I kept silent, my bones wasted away through my groaning all day long. For day and night your hand was heavy upon me; my strength was dried up as by the heat of summer” (Psalms 32:3–4).

He repeats a similar song in Psalm 38:

There is no soundness in my flesh
because of your indignation;
there is no health in my bones
because of my sin.
For my iniquities have gone over my head;
like a heavy burden, they are too heavy for me.
My wounds stink and fester
because of my foolishness,
I am utterly bowed down and prostrate;
all the day I go about mourning.
  For my sides are filled with burning,
and there is no soundness in my flesh.
I am feeble and crushed;
I groan because of the tumult of my heart.
O Lord, all my longing is before you;
my sighing is not hidden from you.
My heart throbs; my strength fails me,
and the light of my eyes—it also has gone from me. (Psalms 38:3–10)

David’s inward, unconfessed sin was starting to evidence itself through outward, physical symptoms. His eyes grew dull, his heart ached, he was restless, his stomach felt sick, he was wasting away through his groaning. David says the wounds caused by his sin began to stink and fester. It was consuming his entire body and every moment of his day. Sin won’t stay under the surface; it begins to ooze and bubble out the top. It can’t be contained in a nice, neat compartment of our hearts.

On the contrary, after David was confronted by Nathan the prophet, he confessed his sin, and his physical ailments began to turn a corner. He brought his sins to the light, and a weight was lifted from him:

Have mercy on me, O God,
according to your steadfast love;
according to your abundant mercy
blot out my transgressions.
Wash me thoroughly from my iniquity,
and cleanse me from my sin!

Purge me with hyssop, and I shall be clean;
wash me, and I shall be whiter than snow.
Let me hear joy and gladness;
let the bones that you have broken rejoice. (Psalms 51:1–2, 7–8)

The bones that once felt sick, weak, and broken were now restored and rejoicing! Light and health were returning to his eyes—he didn’t feel like lying in bed all day from the weight of his sin. As his sin was exposed by the light, he began to experience the freedom and joy that comes with God’s mercy and forgiveness:

Hide your face from my sins,
and blot out all my iniquities.
Create in me a clean heart, O God,
and renew a right spirit within me.
Cast me not away from your presence,
and take not your Holy Spirit from me.
Restore to me the joy of your salvation,
and uphold me with a willing spirit. (Psalms 51:9–12)

Jesus is the light of the world who came to expose the darkness in it and in our hearts. We may think we will feel better by remaining in the dark about our sin—no one likes to admit the nastiness they’ve allowed to grow in those deep, hidden places. It’s embarrassing, shameful, and even humiliating. But ultimately, leaving it unchecked will be rottenness, not only to our physical health, but also our spiritual wellbeing.

If you have unconfessed sin in your life, don’t let it sit and fester. Bring your sin-sick heart and life to the Great Physician who loves to restore sinners back to a healthy relationship with him. Repent, and let him shine his light into your life. The quicker we are to bring our failings to God and the more honest we are with him about our sin, the faster we will experience the relief of his healing grace in our lives.

This article was originally published at https://lifeword.org/blog/exposing-the-darkness/

Letters to My Children: Old-Fashioned Advice

To My Children:

We’ve had many talks lately—talks about dating, technology, modesty, and more. I know you think my advice on these subjects is old fashioned. But I want you to stop and consider how the Bible defines parental advice:

“Hear, my son, your father’s instruction, and forsake not your mother’s teaching, for they are a graceful garland for your head and pendants for your neck” (Proverbs 1:8–9).

Following the advice of a parent who tries to point you toward wisdom and the fear of the Lord isn’t old fashioned—it makes the listener appear dignified, noble, elegant, and honorable.

The words of a wise, godly parent, carefully listened to and followed, will bring many blessings to their children. The Proverbs say that following your parents’ teaching will bring “length of days and years of life and peace . . . to you” (Proverbs 3:1–2). They will bring life and healing if you keep them within your heart.

Your parents’ advice should not be seen as something to discard at the local thrift store along with their old shoes and sweaters. God says you should treasure their wisdom like fine silver and keep it as “the apple of your eye” (Proverbs 7:2)—and “old-fashioned” idiom that means “something that is highly cherished.”

Your parents’ teachings will help protect you and guide you; it will help you have discernment when you have to make tough choices or are faced with temptation.

I want you to know that I have always tried to give you the best advice I can offer—advice rooted in years of diligently searching the Scriptures for wisdom and knowledge. I have always sought to teach you “good precepts” (Proverbs 4:2) that are grounded in the fear of the Lord. I want you to reap the blessings of following my advice—not because I think I’m so great but because the ways of the Lord are wonderful and good.

“To know wisdom and instruction, to understand words of insight, to receive instruction in wise dealing, in righteousness, justice, and equity” (Proverbs 1:2–3), to follow your parents’ advice as they seek the Lord—these things are not old fashioned; they are wisdom principles, and they lead to blessings. The Lord says that those who despise wisdom and instruction are fools (Proverbs 1:7). So keep them; follow them; view them as valuable treasures, for they are not old fashioned but timeless ways of life.

I love you. Grow in godliness and in your love for God.

This article was originally published at https://lifeword.org/blog/letters-to-my-children-old-fashioned-advice/

Advent: Peace

And he shall stand and shepherd his flock in the strength of the LORD,
in the majesty of the name of the LORD his God.
And they shall dwell secure, for now he shall be great
to the ends of the earth.
And he shall be their peace. (Micah 5:4–5)

The prophet Micah spoke of a great shepherd who would come to stop the oppression of his people. Isaiah prophesied of a child who would come to end bloody battles and rule in peace. The angels proclaimed peace and goodwill at the birth of the Messiah.  

But too often we do not feel at peace. Anxiety, unrest, and turmoil abound inside us, in our relationships, and in our world. We long for peace in our hearts, with others, and for our neighbors all over the globe.

Peace in our hearts begins with the birth of Christ in the manger. God used the plan of a humble birth to usher in his perfect plan of peace “to reconcile to himself all things, whether on earth or in heaven” (Colossians 1:20). But his plan for peace didn’t end in a manger—it culminated on a cross.

You see, God was reconciling the world to himself by allowing that little baby to grow and then die on a cross for our sins.

God knew our greatest need for peace was with him, for our sins make us his enemies. Christ was born in order to reconcile us to God, “making peace by the blood of his cross” (Colossians 1:20). He made peace between us and God, and now we can have peace with others by offering them the same forgiveness we have received.

As we light this candle, let it remind us to tell others that true peace is available by trusting in the Prince of Peace to take away their sins. Plead with them to be reconciled to God. And then watch and wait as one by one, God’s peace begins to reign in the hearts and lives of those around us.

Flashback Friday – Advent: Peace

And he shall stand and shepherd his flock in the strength of the LORD,
in the majesty of the name of the LORD his God.
And they shall dwell secure, for now he shall be great
to the ends of the earth.
And he shall be their peace. (Micah 5:4–5)

The prophet Micah spoke of a great shepherd and ruler who would come from Bethlehem to stop the oppression of his people and be their peace. Isaiah prophesied of a child who would come to end bloody battle tumult and rule in unending peace. The angels proclaimed peace and goodwill at the birth of the Messiah who fulfilled these sayings.  

But too often we do not feel at peace. Anxiety, unrest, and turmoil abound inside us, in our relationships, and in our world. We long for peace in our hearts, with others, and for our neighbors all over the globe.

Peace in our hearts begins with the birth of the Christ-child in the manger. God used the plan of a humble birth to usher in his perfect plan of peace “to reconcile to himself all things, whether on earth or in heaven” (Colossians 1:20). But his plan for peace didn’t end in a manger—it culminated on a cross.

You see, God was reconciling the world to himself by allowing that little baby to grow to manhood and then “making him to be sin who knew no sin” by letting him die on a cross “so that in him, we might become the righteousness of God” (2 Corinthians 5:21).

God knew that our greatest need for peace was with him, for our sins make us his enemies. But Christ was born in order to die for his enemies, “making peace by the blood of his cross” (Colossians 1:20). He reconciled us to God, and now, not only has he given us the ability to have peace with others by offering them the same forgiveness we have received, he has also given us the ministry of reconciliation.

As his ambassadors, we must proclaim to the rest of the world that true peace is available by trusting in the Prince of Peace to take away their sins. We must plead with them to be reconciled to God. And then we must watch and wait as one by one, God’s peace begins to reign in the hearts and lives of those around us.

Advent: Joy

For all the people wept as they heard the words of the Law. (Nehemiah 8:9b)

The people sat in darkness—defeated, exiled, and in despair. Even when the Israelites were able to return to their homeland, the weight of their sin was too much to bear. They heard God’s law read aloud, but instead of it bringing joy, it only brought shame, guilt, and sorrow.

They knew they had disobeyed. They knew they could never measure up. And so they wept.

We too may feel the weight of our sin—the mourning and weeping that comes with knowing we can never measure up to God’s perfect commands; the sorrow that comes from failing so many times.

But lift up your heads, those who mourn and weep. Lift up your eyes, those who are sorrowful. For joy has dawned on the horizon, breaking the darkness with its rays of light.

“The people who walked in darkness have seen a great light; those who dwelt in a land of deep darkness, on them has light shone” (Isaiah 9:2).

Jesus Christ, the Light of the World has come to us. The angel announced the joy of his birth. The wisemen rejoiced exceedingly with great joy when they saw his star.

Jesus was born to redeem us from the gloom and grief of our own sin. If we confess our sins and receive forgiveness in his name, we no longer have to mourn and weep over our failures. Christ was born to perfectly keep God’s law for us. If we place our faith in him, the law that once weighed us down can now be our delight; our hearts can be glad and our whole being can rejoice in our Savior, for our sins are taken away.

As we light this candle of joy, “Be glad in the LORD, and rejoice, O righteous, and shout for joy, all you upright in heart!” (Psalm 32:11). Weeping may tarry for the night, but in the presence of Emmanuel, there is fullness of joy.

Flashback Friday – Advent: Joy

Newborn babies always bring an unspeakable joy, a light behind the eyes, a glow of warmth to the heart of the one who holds them. Mary and Joseph no doubt felt this joy as they held their newborn son, Jesus.

But the advent of Jesus brought a new understanding of joy. Joy is not only to be felt when our hands and hearts are full. Certainly, we should be joyful in making memories around the Christmas tree, seeing the delight on little faces on Christmas morning, and holding loved ones we haven’t embraced in years.

But what about those who ache over the empty seat at the table where their loved one used to sit? What about those who are alone on Christmas morning? Can they be joyful?

Jesus came to bring us joy even in our sadness and suffering.

Habakkuk 3:17-18 says:

“Though the fig tree should not blossom, nor fruit be on the vines, the produce of the olive fail and the fields yield no food, the flock be cut off from the fold and there be no herd in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the LORD; I will take joy in the God of my salvation.”

Jesus came to bring us a joy that far outweighs any temporal happiness this world can offer:

“You have put more joy in my heart than they have when their grain and wine abound” (Psalms 4:7).

The reason this joy is greater than anything else can offer is because the source of this joy is God himself. This joy is only found in his presence.

“You make known to me the path of life; in your presence there is fullness of joy; at your right hand are pleasures forevermore” (Psalms 16:11).

“The hope of the righteous brings joy,” and that hope is found in the coming of our Savior, “who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God” (Hebrews 12:2).

Jesus looked past his suffering to the greater joy of redeeming you and I from our sins so that we could share in his perfect joy for eternity.

So, this Christmas season, whether your tree is bountiful or barren, look to Jesus who came to be our exceeding joy and place your hope in him.